I thought I knew how to multi-task. Then I went to work in corporate America for one of the worst workaholics I've ever met. Now my life consists of extreme highs and lows, 60 hour work weeks, and not enough hands--or brain cells--to cross off everything on my to-do list. I don't know how to prioritize, or compartmentalize, all the requests people ask me, phone me, email me, ping me, and, in one random event, toss through the air on a paper plane at me (...not really, but how cool would that have been if it was true?)
I've always been a worrier, someone who causes more stress than need be but in the end tends to thrive and excel on it. However, lately my normal elevated stress levels have mutated into panic attacks: random bouts of tears, hyperventilating at the thought of to-do lists, etc. It's not every day. Not even every week...but it happens often enough that something has to change.
It sure isn't going to be work. When I mention how I'm trying to adjust to the new lifestyle and workload my manager just tends to chuckle and mention that I have another 20-30 more years of this. Today, he actually said the following while I was commenting on the bazillion and one things I had to get done before the weekend, "Good, I'm not doing my job right if you don't leave here as miserable as I am." What a way to view the world. And not exactly what I was expecting leaving college all dewy-eyed and optimistic.
So after a breakdown last night, I decided that I need to remember to breathe, and relax. It wouldn't be the end of the world if something wasn't done perfectly or if the work piled up. I returned to the office this morning, fresher and functioning more effectively than when I left the night before at 8:30pm, and found the aptly titled women's magazine article, "How to Feel Happy" when I opened my inbox.
I took it as a sign and decided that I would start doing one thing a day to increase my happiness. Today as the kick-start I ramped up the happy levels by trying several things:
1. I stopped to breathe, to remember that I was living human being...not a lab rat in a cubicle maze.
2. I plotted 20 ways to maim, disfigure, and otherwise torture my kickboxing instructor. While the exercise was good for me, the creative thinking was even better.
3. I left the TV off. Instead I skimmed a People magazine about the world's most beautiful people and took a candle-lit bath.
Did it work? I'm healthier, slimmer, more creative (one could also say a little more evil), and more relaxed than I've been in days. I think it's a good start to finding my happy.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
4 Reasons Why I Hate Running
So although I am PTing (pseudo-training) for a half marathon, I have never loved and probably will never love running. My animosity probably stems from the fact that I am horrible at it (insight in my psyche #1: I don't like doing things I'm not good at). And when I say horrible, I mean entirely and utterly, laughably and horrendously bad. I've had people tell me that it looks like I'm shuffling my feet or that I move my legs but don't go any where.
But running technique aside there are some more reasons why I dislike running:
Reason #1: Everyone else running has 1% body fat.
I've yet to see another perfectly plump runner on any of my runs outside or trips to the gym. I know they have to be out there (I can't be the only one in Kettering with the desire to get healthier) but I don't know what hidden path they use to stay away from the judging eyes of the long-legged bean poles outdistancing me by miles with every stride.
Reason #2: Things jiggle and chafe when you run.
When you have to choose workout clothes keeping in mind more than 2 body parts (if female) that need to be suppressed and separated there's something wrong with that picture.
Reason #3: Spring pollen.
This doesn't have much to do with running itself other than making it near impossible to breathe on a Saturday run when every other home owner is out mowing and spring blooms are floating down from the tree limbs to clog up my nose and create a syrupy phlegm in my lungs.
Reason #4: It gives you too much time to think about how much you hate doing it.
Even with the amazing invention of the ipod, it still gives me way to much time to think about every labored breath and aching muscle. If I was strength training or taking an aerobics class the constant change of pace wouldn't allow for 30 minute long mental tirades on why I should turn around and take a nap.
However, as much as I dislike it there some reasons why I continue with my masochistic torture:
1) It gives me realistic and attainable goals. Run to the stop sign. Run to the corner past the stop sign. Run to the stop light past the corner then run around the block and up the hill. When I'm out on the road, I can go at my own pace without feeling pressure to keep up with anyone else.
2) I may hate running, but I hate being overweight even more; so when making a choice it's a no-brainer. And running works on my cardio and endurance which are two things that were desperately lacking when I started.
3) It's free. I don't have to pay hundreds of dollars a year to put on a pair of sneakers and hit the road. I can do it anytime anywhere. If I was relying on a gym or exercise classes to get in shape I'd use that as an excuse for not doing anything every time I traveled or worked late and missed a class. I can fit into any structure, no matter what life throws at me.
4) It symbolizes a new me. Losing the weight I've put on in the last 5 years (all that beer, liquor, and late night snacking in college did me in) is a lot harder than putting it on. The new and improved, healthier me can BE A RUNNER. Crappy technique or not, if I put my mind to it, train properly, and set realistic goals I can morph into someone I only wished I was 6 months ago.
But running technique aside there are some more reasons why I dislike running:
Reason #1: Everyone else running has 1% body fat.
I've yet to see another perfectly plump runner on any of my runs outside or trips to the gym. I know they have to be out there (I can't be the only one in Kettering with the desire to get healthier) but I don't know what hidden path they use to stay away from the judging eyes of the long-legged bean poles outdistancing me by miles with every stride.
Reason #2: Things jiggle and chafe when you run.
When you have to choose workout clothes keeping in mind more than 2 body parts (if female) that need to be suppressed and separated there's something wrong with that picture.
Reason #3: Spring pollen.
This doesn't have much to do with running itself other than making it near impossible to breathe on a Saturday run when every other home owner is out mowing and spring blooms are floating down from the tree limbs to clog up my nose and create a syrupy phlegm in my lungs.
Reason #4: It gives you too much time to think about how much you hate doing it.
Even with the amazing invention of the ipod, it still gives me way to much time to think about every labored breath and aching muscle. If I was strength training or taking an aerobics class the constant change of pace wouldn't allow for 30 minute long mental tirades on why I should turn around and take a nap.
However, as much as I dislike it there some reasons why I continue with my masochistic torture:
1) It gives me realistic and attainable goals. Run to the stop sign. Run to the corner past the stop sign. Run to the stop light past the corner then run around the block and up the hill. When I'm out on the road, I can go at my own pace without feeling pressure to keep up with anyone else.
2) I may hate running, but I hate being overweight even more; so when making a choice it's a no-brainer. And running works on my cardio and endurance which are two things that were desperately lacking when I started.
3) It's free. I don't have to pay hundreds of dollars a year to put on a pair of sneakers and hit the road. I can do it anytime anywhere. If I was relying on a gym or exercise classes to get in shape I'd use that as an excuse for not doing anything every time I traveled or worked late and missed a class. I can fit into any structure, no matter what life throws at me.
4) It symbolizes a new me. Losing the weight I've put on in the last 5 years (all that beer, liquor, and late night snacking in college did me in) is a lot harder than putting it on. The new and improved, healthier me can BE A RUNNER. Crappy technique or not, if I put my mind to it, train properly, and set realistic goals I can morph into someone I only wished I was 6 months ago.
The Not-So Beginning
It probably would have made more sense to start doing this 3 months ago when I actually moved into my first apartment. Or a year ago when I graduated from college. Half-way through my first rotation at work and on a Saturday night when I should be studying for an accounting exam I have next week is not the most likely date to start a blog. But given my propensity for procrastination, maybe it makes more sense than I think.
In addition to my hatred for deferred tax liability, my current state of disconnect from the outside world makes me want to create a space where I can keep a record that, yes, I do exist. And, perhaps it will encourage me to do more than spend 11 hours a day in a cubicle maze staring cross-eyed at excel spreadsheets: do things like actually return emails and phone calls (I've become lazy at attempting social interaction). Or other more adventurous things that would entice people to actually read my long-winded and meandering thoughts.
I want this blog to be about me dealing the adventures life throws at me, both the mundane and exciting. About the everyday things that drive me crazy, the exciting things that scare me, and any moment in between. I have no idea if anyone will read this. I don't know that I care. (That's a lie.) But at least it's out there in the World Wide Web netherworld.
To begin mid-event so to speak takes a bit of back history. So here's a synopsis to catch you up to speed:
1. In January I started work for major corporation (I'm not sure if I'm legally allowed to talk about them online...that's how big they are) in a rotational finance program. It consists of four 6-month rotations. I'm currently living in Kettering, OH, a place I didn't know existed until about four months ago when I got my assignment. To clarify, I'm FROM Ohio and still had never heard of it. There's not much to do here and my office looks like it could be a 3M convention, Midwest Middle-age Moms. To compare, I'm a single 23 year old "recent" college grad: I'll let you make your own conclusions about my (non-existent) social life.
2. A couple of weeks into work they rolled out a Biggest Loser competition, which ended up being the linchpin of my current existence. Without it, I don't know if I would have had the motivation to start eating as healthy and working out as much as I am. It's basically the only thing I do besides work and watch TV (I've already established how little I study). To date I've lost about 11 pounds...if my scale doesn't decide to hate me tomorrow...and am pseudo-training for a half-marathon. I know what you're probably thinking: what is "pseudo-training"? Basically it means that I've printed off a 12 week training schedule and sometimes stick to it and sometimes don't. And maybe I'll build-up the endurance to run 13 freaking miles by July 17, and then again maybe I won't. I'm not holding myself to it because I don't want to get depressed if I'm physically not there yet. Anything will be better than where I started, so why set myself for feeling like a failure? I plan on running the half, but at the same time it's a flexible goal.
I think that's enough back ground. I'm anticipating future posts will be related to one of those two things or family. But since my family is probably going to be the only ones reading this (gotta love family support!) I don't think those details are necessary.
I had lots of people tell me that they enjoyed the posts I did about my trip to Ghana, so hopefully the word skill I displayed then will reestablish itself and make Ms. Cruthers, my 12th grade English teacher, proud...otherwise this might be an epic failure. So stay tuned and you may learn some interesting things about me, my life, and how I'm surviving it one day at a time.
In addition to my hatred for deferred tax liability, my current state of disconnect from the outside world makes me want to create a space where I can keep a record that, yes, I do exist. And, perhaps it will encourage me to do more than spend 11 hours a day in a cubicle maze staring cross-eyed at excel spreadsheets: do things like actually return emails and phone calls (I've become lazy at attempting social interaction). Or other more adventurous things that would entice people to actually read my long-winded and meandering thoughts.
I want this blog to be about me dealing the adventures life throws at me, both the mundane and exciting. About the everyday things that drive me crazy, the exciting things that scare me, and any moment in between. I have no idea if anyone will read this. I don't know that I care. (That's a lie.) But at least it's out there in the World Wide Web netherworld.
To begin mid-event so to speak takes a bit of back history. So here's a synopsis to catch you up to speed:
1. In January I started work for major corporation (I'm not sure if I'm legally allowed to talk about them online...that's how big they are) in a rotational finance program. It consists of four 6-month rotations. I'm currently living in Kettering, OH, a place I didn't know existed until about four months ago when I got my assignment. To clarify, I'm FROM Ohio and still had never heard of it. There's not much to do here and my office looks like it could be a 3M convention, Midwest Middle-age Moms. To compare, I'm a single 23 year old "recent" college grad: I'll let you make your own conclusions about my (non-existent) social life.
2. A couple of weeks into work they rolled out a Biggest Loser competition, which ended up being the linchpin of my current existence. Without it, I don't know if I would have had the motivation to start eating as healthy and working out as much as I am. It's basically the only thing I do besides work and watch TV (I've already established how little I study). To date I've lost about 11 pounds...if my scale doesn't decide to hate me tomorrow...and am pseudo-training for a half-marathon. I know what you're probably thinking: what is "pseudo-training"? Basically it means that I've printed off a 12 week training schedule and sometimes stick to it and sometimes don't. And maybe I'll build-up the endurance to run 13 freaking miles by July 17, and then again maybe I won't. I'm not holding myself to it because I don't want to get depressed if I'm physically not there yet. Anything will be better than where I started, so why set myself for feeling like a failure? I plan on running the half, but at the same time it's a flexible goal.
I think that's enough back ground. I'm anticipating future posts will be related to one of those two things or family. But since my family is probably going to be the only ones reading this (gotta love family support!) I don't think those details are necessary.
I had lots of people tell me that they enjoyed the posts I did about my trip to Ghana, so hopefully the word skill I displayed then will reestablish itself and make Ms. Cruthers, my 12th grade English teacher, proud...otherwise this might be an epic failure. So stay tuned and you may learn some interesting things about me, my life, and how I'm surviving it one day at a time.
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